I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
