1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
