I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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