In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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