I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
