Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
