Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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