apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Did I show you my penis last night?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
