I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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