We're facebook friends in real life
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
