this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
