This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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