It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
