I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
