walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Found the puke drawer
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
