she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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