I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
