Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
