I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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