Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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