there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
