are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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