So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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