I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
