While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
