Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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