Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
