the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
