Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize