Fuck appropriateness.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
