It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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