I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
