Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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