Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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