So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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