How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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