I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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