I like to think it a success when the cops are called
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
