His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am spending my child support on dildos
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
