party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize