I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
