how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
