is your mom at the bar?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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