It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
