Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
only you would photoshop your dick
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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