i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
