so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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