so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
