just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
