these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize