I must be too annoying 4 u.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
