yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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