apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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