he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
