I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
