I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
