just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
