thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
