On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
