Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
now i know why i became what i already was.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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