she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
