he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
