he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
