What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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