As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
