HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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