I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
