you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
